How do we communicate with Narcs?

An example email string from one of our clients

· Narcissists,Main

We are often asked to see the quality and types of responses we send to the Narc-exes. Here is the body of an email we sent to a narcissist ex for one of our clients. We have stripped the personal names out of it for privacy.

Email One

"Dear Narcissist,

I have agreed via email for a vacation in October. At that time, I didn't know that you were planning an out of country trip. I am generally not objectionable to them traveling outside of the country. However, I have not received any information from you regarding these travel plans. The following below is information that you should provide:

  • The current divorce decree requires (see attached relevant screenshot) a travel itinerary be provided. This should include:
    • Which countries will they be visiting? What dates will they be in those countries?
    • Which states will they be traveling to? What dates will they be in those states?
    • Where are they departing from and when do they depart?
    • When do they return?
  • The decree (see screenshot) states that simply providing your personal cell phone number(s) is insufficient for emergency contact. What are the emergency contact phone numbers for their travel dates?
  • I paid the full costs for the three passports. In your handwritten note, you stated that you will return them at the end of the trip. Please follow your promise to return them at the end of their trip in October 2022.
  • The children will be missing five days of school for your trip. Please communicate directly with their teachers to keep them caught up on their work.
  • It is unreasonable to have the City Police department contact me for questions about the passports. Please restrain your urge to call the police for civil matters.
  • It is unreasonable and against the Supplemental Child Custody Order to communicate through the children. (See attached screenshot from that order) You sent a handwritten note via *Child* which I have forwarded to my attorney. Please restrain yourself from communicating through them."

As you can see, our emails are thorough. After sending the above communication, The Narcissist then failed to provide all of the answers. However, the narc did provide the itenary and our team went to work. We contacted the cruise line and found out that the passports are unnecessary for the children to travel. We sent this follow-up email shortly after that information:

Email Two

"Dear Narcissist,

Thank you for the itinerary.

Here are the minor identification requirements for traveling with Royal Caribbean - https://www.royalcaribbean.com/faq/questions/minor-identification-forms

"A U.S. citizen under the age of 16 will be able to present either an original, notorized or certified copy of his or her birth certificate, a Consular Report of Birth Abroad issues by DOS, or Certificate of Naturalization issued by U.S. Citizenship and Immigration Services."

  • Minor children do not need passports for this travel
  • I contacted Royal Caribbean and confirmed this information.
  • Since the children are not required to travel with passports, there is no reason to transfer them to you.
  • The children need certified copies of their birth certificates to travel. These can be ordered here: (website to the state where the children reside removed for privacy)
  • Expedited copies can be ordered here: https://www.vitalchek.com/v/

Again, we are very thorough in our communication efforts and we stick to facts without the use of emotions. By doing this, we are able to keep the communications current, factual, authentic, and honest. And, she didn't turn over the passports to him!! We do not react at all to the ex-narcissist's attempts to gaslight.