There are several things that we want you to do RIGHT NOW. These will help you on your journey to peaceful communications with your high-conflict counter-parent. (CP). We refer to them as CP because it could stand for co-parent or counter-parent.

Do this NOW:

• Sign up for a parenting app: We hope you're already using Our Family Wizard or Talking Parents or 2Houses. These are the top three communications apps available. If not, sign up and then ONLY communicate with your CP via this app.
• Block your CP: We highly recommend you block CP on every other communications platform. Block CP on your phone, your social media, Snapchat, WhatsAp or any other method they use to communicate with you including email.
• What about emergencies? It is our belief that emergencies are extermely rare. A true emergency involves flashing lights from a fire truck, ambulance, or squad car. If something isn't flashing, it likely isn't an emergency. It is probably "time-sensitive" and CP doesn't need to get to you via text. The parenting apps can fully handle time-sensive messages by having your notifications turned on.
• Days 2 and beyond - Here are more tips you will want to follow.

Here’s a list of 12 go-to phrases for keeping communication calm, brief, and aligned with your court order. You can use them exactly as written.

• "I’ll stick to the order."
• "Your interpretation is not supported by the court order."
• "This message feels like it's just trying to stir up conflict."
• "That’s not how I see it."
• "I see no purpose to this message other than to increase conflict."
• "We have reached an impasse of opinion. No further communication will be sent on this topic."
• "This has already been addressed."
• "I need a response on this."
• "Refusal to engage in effective communication is noted."
• "You may access that information at your convenience by contacting (insert institution)."
• "You already have this information; no need to go over it again."
• "Changes to the schedule need to be discussed and agreed on in advance."

From the Boot Camp - Here's what we covered.

1. Identifying common narcissistic tactics (gaslighting, hoovering, devaluation, victimhood).
2. Applying the Grey Rock Method (detachment, neutral responses, minimal disclosure).
3. Creating and enforcing emotional, physical, and digital boundaries.
4. Using strategic communication, timing, and cadence.
5. Employing “Never Explain” rules and canned responses without escalating conflict.
6. Avoiding oversharing; share on a need-to-know basis.
7. Using calming techniques and recovery plans to reduce triggers.
8. Following court orders and referencing them when making decisions.

Grey Rock Protocols

Submit message drafts to your personalized DRAFT bot. (See above) for refinement. Use your strategy bot to bounce ideas off of. Over time, this practice trains you to apply the Grey Rock Method with confidence.

If the bot cannot answer your questions, then it will defer to one of us - Will or Genna. We will be alerted via email and will get back with you very soon to give you coaching support and timely guidance when challenges arise.

1. Practice responding within a set time frame, such as two or three business days, to avoid rushed or emotional replies.
2. Use clear, concise, and neutral language to reduce misunderstandings.
3. Avoid sending non-emergency messages during your custodial time to prevent unnecessary disruption.
4. Set a time/day each week to read and respond to messages. We recommend Tuesdays and Thursdays at 1:00 pm.
5. Keep communication focused on the children and their needs. Never discuss anything else.
6. Use a communication platform designed for co-parenting to keep messages organized and documented.
7. When you read a message, wait at LEAST 24 hours before responding if the message is not time sensitive. This allows you to cool down if a message feels provocative.
8. Set boundaries about acceptable communication topics and times. NEVER share your boundaries with the co-parent.
9. Adopt a "persona" to read your messages. Pretend you're a different person reading messages between strangers. This can help you handle the emotions.
10. Seek support or coaching to develop better communication strategies.

Read more detailed instructions here!