If you’re co-parenting with a high-conflict ex, chances are you’ve heard this advice: “Document everything.”

You’ve probably followed it, too—saving screenshots, forwarding emails to yourself, logging every missed pickup, every dentist appointment mix-up, every lie.

But let us ask you one thing:
Show who?

Seriously. Who exactly do you think is watching?
Most low-conflict parents (LCs) we work with believe there’s some invisible authority keeping tabs on the co-parenting situation. Like maybe if they just build a tall enough paper trail, someone—maybe a judge, a GAL, a therapist—will see the truth and do something.

They won’t.
Because in most cases, no one is watching.

Courts aren’t reading every message. GALs aren't combing through hundreds of pages of texts. Judges don’t even want to. And your attorney? They'll charge you by the hour to maybe skim through what you send. That mountain of documentation you’re building? It might never see the light of day. And worse, it’s costing you—financially, emotionally, and energetically.

The “Document Everything” Trap

So why does the legal system push this narrative?
Because it benefits lawyers.
The more paper you produce, the more they have to read, and the more you pay.
It creates a false sense of control. A belief that if you just “catch” your ex in the right lie, justice will finally be served.

But if you’re dealing with a high-conflict or narcissistic co-parent, here’s the truth:
There are no “gotcha” moments.
They lie, gaslight, twist, and deflect. And when you try to play “gotcha,” you’re just giving them more material to spin. They don’t operate in a world of facts—they operate in a world of chaos. You bringing receipts doesn’t end the conflict. It just fuels it.

So What Should You Do Instead?

We’re not saying never document anything.
We’re saying: be strategic.
Document patterns—not every petty jab.
Save what is court-relevant—not emotionally satisfying.
Focus on building a calm, consistent, child-focused presence—because that’s what courts notice.

Ask yourself:

• Does this prove a pattern that puts the child at risk?
• Will this help explain a major custody or visitation issue? (this one is much harder than you think)
• Is this a legal violation or just typical narcissist noise?

If it’s just noise?
Let it go. You don’t need to prove the sky is blue every single day.

Final Thought

There’s a reason we call it “Grey Rock.”
We teach our clients how to disengage, not how to outwit or expose.
So next time you feel tempted to pull receipts or "prove" your ex is lying about something trivial, pause and ask:
Show who?

Because if no one is watching, maybe it’s time to stop performing—and start protecting your peace.